Very few would purposefully invalidate someone else.
But well-intentioned people may be uncomfortable with intense emotions or believe that they are helping when they are actually invalidating. The truth is that validation is not self-acceptance, it is only an acknowledgement that an internal experience occurred.
Ridicule is a particularly damaging: “Here we go again, cry over nothing, let those big tears flow because the grass is growing.” Denying: “You are not angry, I know how you act when you’re angry,” and “You have eaten so much, I know you aren’t hungry,” invalidate the other person by saying they don’t feel what they are saying they feel.Maybe they agree that your point of view in an argument when in fact they do not think you are being reasonable.Wanting the Best for You: People who love you want the best for you.Misunderstanding What it Means to Validate: Sometimes people invalidate because they believe if they validate they are agreeing.A person can state, “You think it’s wrong that you’re angry with your friend,” and not agree with you. But because they want to reassure you they invalidate by saying, “You shouldn’t think that way.” Wanting to Fix Your Feelings: “Come on, don’t be sad. ” People who love you don’t want you to hurt so sometimes they invalidate your thoughts and feelings in their efforts to get you to feel happier.Showing up at an important event but only paying attention to email or playing a game on the phone while there is invalidating, whether that is the message the person meant to send or not.